Gonna tell you a story,
Gonna do it ASAP,
'Bout all these funky letters
Been giving me ADD.


You got your H1, you got your N1,
You got your LOL OMG,
And you better know the meanin',
Of RSVP BYOB.

Cuz if you don't know what that is,
Well, here's a straight up FYI:
You better hop in your BMW,
And hit ol’ I-95!

     I've got the Aaaaaaa -- yeah-yeah -- acronym blues!
     I've got the Aaaaaaa -- yeah-yeah -- acronym blues!
     I've got the Aaaaaaa -- yeah-yeah -- acronym blues!

Sometimes my head be spinnin',
'Bout 200 RPM,
From tryin' to decipher,
The 4-1-1 from all this BS.

So somebody call me a doctor,
Or I'd settle for an EMT,
Cuz when it comes to abbreviations,
I think I just OD'd!

Chorus

Instrumental

IEDs and double-D’s, all over my TV screen,
CSI, FBI … I think I need an MRI!

Chorus

You’re a stone in my shoe
Whatever you do,
You’re a stone in my shoe
But what can I do?
You’re a stone in my shoe,
Guess I’ll keep on lovin’ you!

You’re a thorn in my side
Every single night,
You’re a thorn in my side
Think I’m losin’ my mind,
You’re a thorn in my side
But I want you all of the time!

Instrumental

You’re a pain in my neck
A human train wreck,
You’re a pain in my neck
But aw, what the heck,
You’re a pain in my neck,
Gonna slip you in my deck!

You’re a crampin’ my style
Like a crocodile,
You’re a crampin’ my style
Like a hungry reptile,
You’re a crampin’ my style
Guess I’ll stay in deep denial!

Instrumental

You’re a stone in my shoe (response: whatever you do!)
You’re a thorn in my side! (response: ev’ry single night!)
You’re a pain in my neck! (response: a human train wreck!)
You’re a crampin’ my style! (response: like a crocodile!)

You’re a stone in my shoe,
Guess I’ll keep on LOVIN’ YOU!

We were born and raised up in the sticks,
A couple of complete opposites,
But like the clock on the wall,
We always seemed to click.

Yeah, you had your shot at me,
When we were both about 17,
Wearin’ out our Chuck Taylors,
Just kicking ‘round and livin’ free.

Lookin’ back at the good ol’ times,
Our love we kept it inside,
A foolish game of seek and hide.

     Oh, but honey that train,
     That locomotive train,
     I’m afraid that train has sailed!
     Baby that train,
     That long lost train,
     I’m afraid that train has sailed!

Now here we are after all these years
At “The Frosty Mug” so cavalier,
Then the memories take over,
And we’re locked in a faraway stare.

But life’s so much different now,
Complicated by hungry mouths;
I tell you that it’s over,
But you insist that the past is now.
Yeah, you insist that the past is now!

You say “Let’s start anew”
“Let’s hit the road and see this through,”
But honey I got news for you …

Chorus

Instrumental

You say “Let’s start anew”
“Let’s hit the road and see this through,”
But honey I got news for you:

Chorus

From Birmingham to Bismarck,
And all points in between
Everybody keeps on saying,
That girl is out my league,
But she’s my mighty tight squeeze,
She’s my mighty tight squeeze.
She’s my mighty tight squeeze.
I’m goin’ down on my knees!

So I roll up in my Mustang,
Looking like ol’ James Dean,
When she jumps up in my arms
And now I gotta come clean:
She gives a mighty tight squeeze,
She gives a mighty tight squeeze.
She gives a mighty tight squeeze.
I’m goin’ down on my knees!

Instrumental

I can hear what they’re sayin’,
But I don’t care what they believe,
Cuz here I am anticipatin’,
Another mighty tight squeeze.

Now we’re parked down by the lake,
We’re doin’ as we please,
Then she hits her head on the dashboard,
And I bang my knee!
Cuz it’s a mighty tight squeeze,
It’s a mighty tight squeeze.
It’s a mighty tight squeeze.
I’m goin’ down on my knees!

She’s my mighty tight squeeze,
     (Roll down that window baby)
She’s my mighty tight squeeze,
     (I need some room to operate)
She’s my mighty tight squeeze,
     (I can’t breathe, woman)
She’s my mighty tight squeeze.
     (Hold on, let me put the top down)
She’s my mighty tight squeeze.
     (Let me see your high beams!)

Like a tin can dented by the side of the road,
like a barren, cold, pipe and stove,
I feel empty, empty, empty
Like the moment you let me … down.

Like a roadside clerk’s dusty till,
like a gaping hole crying for fill,
I feel empty, empty, empty
Like the moment you let me … down.
I feel empty, empty, empty
Like the moment you let me … down.

You know I know what ya did,
And I know you know what we coulda been …
(spoken) But now I’m long gone and hard to find.

Instrumental

Like an abandoned old steel mill town,
like a dug-up grave deep underground,
I feel empty, empty, empty
Like the moment you let me … down.
I feel empty, empty, empty
Like the moment you let me … down.

It’s 12 o’clock and I need a spark,
I gotta bust outta here,
Headed for my baby on the Interstate,
Need a change of atmosphere.

So I press down tight with all my might
On the accelerator pedal,
Roll down the window, tug on my hat,
Pop in some heavy metal.

[GPS: “After one-half mile, take the motorway …”]

Got 40 miles to go
But my tank is runnin’ low
Don’t know if I’ll make it —
My needle’s on E,
And my wallet’s empty,
Don’t know if I’ll make it.

     No matter how you spin it,
     It’s a race to the finish,
     Yeah, it’s me against the needle tonight!
     Yeah, the needle is the devil tonight!

Four-twenty to the gallon, got my tongue waggin’
Thinking of you every mile,
Lyin’ in your bed with a mischievous grin
Gonna pin it to the floor, honey child.

But now my gauges are red, and they all seem to say,
“Boy you ain’t got a chance,”
Cuz when it comes to love, and all of the above
The needle don’t give a damn.

[GPS: “Exit right in 2 miles” … “Stay in the left lane ...”]

Got 40 miles to go
But my tank is runnin’ low
Don’t know if I’ll make it —
My needle’s on E,
And my wallet’s empty,
Don’t know if I’ll make it

Chorus

Yeah, baby I’m gassed tonight!
Said baby we’re gassed tonight!
Been runnin’ on fumes tonight!

[GPS: “You have reached your destination.”]